A Prophet or a Profit

“One second, Sam.”

“What?”

“Before we get started, son, I want to ask you a very personal question: Why are you here?”

“I’m here to interview you. I thought you knew that?”

The Lord looked me in the eye and said, “Is that it?”  His steely gaze was burning a hole in me. I wondered why I couldn’t carry off that look well. He rocked it. What made it more impressive was the fact that he never broke stride.

“Yes, I made an appointment and….”

The Lord cut me off.  I had assumed the Lord would have better manners, but I guess he was anxious to get the interview moving along.

“Sorry to keep interrupting you Sam, but let’s cut to the chase so we don’t spend days on this. I’m normally polite and love to listen. In fact, I think that’s possibly the most important skill to have. I love the saying: ‘God gave humans one mouth and two ears, and they should use them in that proportion.’  Thus, I want to hear you, but I want to make sure you are hearing me and not straying too far afield, as I rarely give these interviews and know you have a lot of questions.”

The Lord turned around again on the treadmill to face me. He was now jogging backwards. “Sam, did you make the appointment with me, or did I make this appointment to interview you?”

The Lord looked at me with that stare. People talk about a look that could kill. This might not kill, but it did pierce my soul. I don’t know if I had ever seen such piercing eyes before.

What was I to do with this information?  Here I am interviewing the Lord for a story and he’s insinuating that he’s interviewing me. One moment I’m trying to make a living and then I’m being interviewed by the Lord. Was this for a job?  If so, what job?  I didn’t know what to make of his question.

“Son, you want to make a profit by selling this story. I understand and appreciate that. I have done similar interviews with some of the tabloids over the years and know how to spin a great yarn.  My last one was with the National Inquirer several years ago and all they really wanted to know about was whether Elvis was still alive and working at a McDonalds in Wisconsin.  However, Sam, this is a two-way street. That is the epitome of commerce. You want something from me? I want something from you.”

“What could you want from me?” I blurted out. I mean, He was the Lord, and I was just a reporter. What could He want from me—to buy him a cup of coffee?

“You’ve already spilled a cup on yourself, Sam, so no, I don’t need a cup of coffee. Water is just fine for me.”

He got off his treadmill, wiped his brow with a towel, moved a swivel gaming chair around, and sat right in front of me. The treadmill display showed he had run five miles in less than ten minutes, though he never gave the appearance of going that fast and he hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“Sam, I need a messenger.”

The Lord looked me closer in the eye. I had read the book Lean in by Sheryl Sandberg, but the Lord really knew how to lean in. “No, that’s wrong. A messenger can always have the message returned without the receiver listening.  It’s like the Elvis song Return to Sender: ‘Return to sender…address unknown…’”

The Lord was singing Elvis to me.  I saw him smile when I started wondering whether Elvis was in heaven or working at McDonalds, but the picture I saw earlier kind of answered my question.

“He’s here, Sam, and we have great jam sessions. Getting him to sing and play along with Mozart, Buddy Holly, and Freddy Mercury—wow, it doesn’t get much better than that. I play the drums—not as good as Neil Peart who arrived not too long ago—but we have some great jam sessions. But returning to what I was saying: I need a prophet and I think you could be that person. Just like you want a story, I want my story to be out there.”

The first thing I thought was what a great band they must have in heaven, with all the great talent that had died just over my own lifetime. I regained my exposure after thinking about what a great tour concert t-shirt they could produce. “Me, a prophet?  Are you sure you have the right appointment?”

I knew how ridiculous that sounded. Certainly, the Lord would know that it was the right appointment, but still . . . Me?  I’m a nobody, I thought to myself. I mean, not a nobody, but definitely not a prophet. Why the hell would the Lord want me to be a prophet?

“Sam, a prophet is a preacher. A preacher who helps share my message to the world. You could do that. I know you can. The question is, do you have the will or desire to do it?”

I was shaking. I was a lowly business writer, and the Lord wanted me to be his prophet.

“Sam, Sam, focus….”  The Lord snapped his fingers to regain my focus.

“You will not have to leave your current job, you will not be a new person, you will not need any new benefits. You will not grow wings, nor will you gain any magical powers. This is not like Moses at the Burning Bush. I am not asking you to take all my people out of bondage. However, you will have a lot more responsibility as my business spokesperson. I will tell you what to say and then you can use your wordsmithing to convey it to the people. It is an easy job, actually.”

I’m a writer. I can convey a message.

“The problem is that many people will not believe you, Sam. You’ll be challenged by many, and some might think you are nuts. However, all my prophets and spokespeople have faced opposition. I pick prophets who are steeped in wisdom and discernment, powerful in character, and whose inclination is towards a higher cause than material gain.”

The Lord gazed at me with that same look. “Sam, you can change the world. Even if you only change the actions of one person, in my mind, that is success. I’m looking for someone who can inform and educate. I’m looking for a real influencer.  Someone who can communicate what God wants.

“Lord…Sir…I’m not a religious person.” I couldn’t stop there; I had to also be a wise guy. “I also cannot see myself as an influencer such as a Kardashian.”

“What does that have to do with anything? Not the Kardashian thing, but being religious?”

I gave the Lord a curious look. “I don’t even know if I believe in you…I mean I didn’t really believe in you until this interview was set up. I still don’t know if this is a practical joke played by my friends, but if so, they did a great job. Hello….TV crew…you can come out from behind the screen. You got me. I know I am on America’s Funniest Videos or The Carbonaro Effect, or maybe Impractical Jokers…. the jokes over….anyone…hello…anyone?”  The facts didn’t add up to this being an elaborate prank, but how else could I convince myself this was real?

No one came out from behind a screen. I was still there, with the Lord being the only other person in the room.

“Sam, it’s not about being religious; it’s about fashioning yourself as a vessel with both body and soul to take on a challenge to help better the world.  Having my word would make you more resilient than any army, government, or business. A prophet is anyone who sends a godly message that helps influence and elevates others. I know you can do that.”

I sensed that was something I could do. I’ve never felt that I had a calling or a purpose. But my life must have some meaning beyond being a great dad, husband, and reporter. This could be my opportunity to have an impact on others and myself.  Maybe I could actually do it.

The Lord continued, “In fact, you have been a prophet of mine for years. Most of my prophets in their early development were not aware that a spiritual experience they had was prophecy. Remember those wonderful ideas you dreamed about helping with the school fundraiser, and how you raised over $10,000? That was me talking with you.”

“What?”  The look of shock on my face could probably equal the look of shock on an 80-year-old woman finding out that she was pregnant. “Me…how…what????”  To say I was stammering would be an understatement. “You’ve talked with me?  How many times?”

“Sam, we talk all the time. I regularly talk with many people. The issue is that most people don’t listen. Think of it like that old Pinocchio movie character…you know, that Jiminy Cricket. ‘And let your conscious be your guide’.” The Lord sang with a little smirk. “I am often that little voice in someone’s head. I can help most people understand the difference between right and wrong, but it is up to each person to hear what they want to hear and to decide to do the right thing. If you look at the Bible, I would have stopped with the Five Books of Moses and Joshua if the Israelites had not continually sinned.”

The Lord pointed to several thin books on a now visible bookshelf.  He continued, “Of the 24 Scripture books, 18 books focused primarily on the Israelites sins, such as not stopping the worship of other gods. I loved and still love these folks and talked directly to them at Sinai. They knew what was right, but they kept messing up. I feel people have been messing up and are messing up again and not living the life I feel they should. While I need numerous prophets to deal with crimes, wars, and other horrible atrocities people are engaging in, I want you to be my prophet associated with… well, profit. I want you to be my messenger to the business world.”

I was still trying to wrap my head around the offer.

“Do I have a choice…I mean, if I say no, will you strike me with a bolt of lightning?”

“Good one, Sam. I haven’t used a bolt of lightning as punishment in weeks.” The Lord smiled. I wondered if he was a practical joker who sent lightning bolts, athletes’ foot, or hemorrhoids as a practical joke.

“Everyone has a choice. There is no punishment involved, only opportunities. Maybe after we have this interview you will feel more comfortable. And no lightning, I promise. Well…. maybe some hemorrhoids. But I will share a little secret Sam, everyone has them.”

“But I don’t know anything about the Bible. I’m not a religious scholar. I don’t think I’m your man.”

“Sam, you know who else did not feel they could be my spokesperson and did a great job? Moses.” (footnote- Exodus III-IV).

“But…”

“Sam, son, what is the key to the Bible?”

I thought I had this one. “Do onto others as you would like them to do to you.”

“Good choice. It is actually a variation of that. First though Sam, let me tell you what the Bible is not. The Bible is not just a story book or history book. It is a book focused on what is right and wrong. It highlights the benefits of what will happen when people do the right things and the harms that will happen when people do the wrong things. Thus, it is a guide to show what happens when certain decisions are made. In the Garden of Eden story, Adam needed the snake and the apple to test what he would do when he was tempted. Thus, the Bible asks what you would do and gives directions on what you should do based on past actions and consequences. Thus, the key to the Bible is kindness. Some might say kindness allows folks to take advantage of others. Some might also say that kindness is one of the best ways to be a good neighbor, friend, workmate, and so…. I would like to be clear that being kind is the ultimate show of strength.   Imagine having all the power I have, or even a small percentage of it, and not abusing it. That is why I place so much emphasis in my Bible on protecting the weak, orphan, widow, convert, even animals and other marginal parts of society.”

The Lord stopped, backed his seat up a tad, put his hands together, and poof!  A bird’s nest appeared in his hands. There was a mother bird and several small chicks. The Lord looked at the birds with a loving smile. He then shot the same loving smile at me. I could sense the nurturing nature of the Lord in how he held the nest and the way he was encouraging the mother bird to trust him.

“Sam, one of the most basic tenants in the Bible is shooing away the mother bird before taking her eggs or young ones, because it’s kind. If I’m so focused on kindness to animals, which I’m very much passionate about, then I’m even more dedicated to ensuring kindness to my chosen creatures: mankind.  If a manager can stop workplace bullying, fighting, and other inappropriate behavior, then they are making the workplace kind to everyone and more productive. If they are given significant authority and do not abuse those in their charge, they are being kind. If they can do all this while making money, then good for them. Let them make a kind profit.”

“How can I tell people to be kind?” I blurted out. I was thinking about how, throughout my life, I had seen the strong take advantage of the weak and wealthy take advantage of the poor. As long as people were so self-focused, there would be almost no chance of getting them to think about others.

“How do you teach your kids anything, Sam?  You show them what to do and keep repeating the message. It is like the 10,000-hour rule of thumb. Malcolm Gladwell wrote about it and all the armies around the world do it. Perfect practice requires someone to practice something 10,000 times or hours until muscle memory kicks in. If you practice, practice, and practice kindness, then kindness will become a habit. All the laws and efforts to prevent racism, bigotry, and other horrific acts have not worked and will never work if children are exposed to hatred by their parents and peers. People think that a ten-minute message in school, or laws forcing people to behave a given way will change attitudes.  I think not.”

His posture stiffened. I think he was getting frustrated. This was no scientific study or pseudo-psychology blurb. This was the voice of the almighty, powered by the greatest dataset of all time: his experience with mankind.

“Kindness is about being truthful, being honest, being a friend, being a mentor, showing compassion. There are countless ways to be kind. I think you and everyone else needs to find their own vehicle for showing kindness. No one way is best. I’m just as pleased when someone returns a lost object as when someone provides training to a homeless person so they could find a job.”

The Lord looked at me and then raised His hands high in the air. He was stretching in my presence. I hoped I was not boring him. He was not yawning, it seemed—just getting comfortable.

“Let’s get to the interview, Sam. When we are done, you can let me know if you want to be my prophet.”

His half-smile told me that he was trying to convince me in a very unsubtle way, his eyes softened, and I felt that maybe I could work for him.